it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
