i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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