I must be too annoying 4 u.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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