let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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