i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
