Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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