A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
