I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
