I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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