i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
