Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
