I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My pussy is not your playground.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
