I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize