Your face is a jimmy john
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
