so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
