She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
