we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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