brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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