I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
