the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
