yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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