i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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