Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are the jesus of drinking
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
