she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
