I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
