Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
