i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
