Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
