I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
