sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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