The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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