While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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