I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
