yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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