i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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