my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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