It's just like the Real World with babies
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
