Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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