and you said cock pushups were impossible
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
