i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
