Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
