Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wear drunk well.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
