Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
