We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
