if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
