i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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