TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
