i think i have herpe
just one?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
