I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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