I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
