my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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