Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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