People with herpes should wear stickers.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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