my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
