I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
