I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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