My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it's like iHOP with fire
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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