Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
