My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
