Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
