I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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