Midget sex pt 2 tonight
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
