so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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